so i came across this song today that was so refreshing to me. this isn’t a post fishing for sympathy or a pity party. it’s a post confessing that i’m real tired. worn, even. but, i know there’s One that can give me rest. this song came on when i was actually searching for a totally different song, and wow. i needed it. it’s okay to be worn sometimes. while it’s not what we want to think is fair, God often speaks to us most clearly when we’re worn. He grows us when we’re worn. do you ever find yourself wanting to (or ACTUALLY) pray, “God just let this be easy.” i do. sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. one of my favorite books of the Bible has always been job. it’s a great story of a man who is worn to the core. i remember when i was interviewing for pa school one of the questions my interviewer asked was, “if you could ask any hero one question, what would it be and why?” my response was, and still is “it would be job from the old testament, and i’d ask him what it was like to be broken yet faithful.” i don’t pretend to think that my situation of a job that sucks the life out of me and my husband being gone for a year even remotely compares to the things job endured. i do know though that some days are really hard right now, there’s not a lot of spunk in my step, i’m exhausted about 80% of the time, and my mind and my heart and my body are just a little worn. the great news is that my God is faithful. despite the brokenness that i see in patients every day, the ache in my own heart, the stress from every angle at my job…there’s a grace that always has been, and always will be sufficient. i find it refreshing that God has stories like job in the Bible. i know He’s not intimidated by my expression of weariness. He knows i don’t do everything right so i don’t have to pretend like i do. He sees my frustrations with incompetency, He knows the angst that the nonsensical requirements of my life right now brings to me, he knows my heart aches for my husband, and He’s capable of carrying all of it for me. i’m worn, and i’m learning new things every day. not just about medicine, but about my own character, about how easily i get frustrated, about how my filter doesn’t always work well when things are spiraling at work, about how supportive my husband is even from around the world, about how friends willing to encourage and challenge me are essential, and about how the faithfulness of my Jesus is never-ending. i’m learning that every single day i have to say, “well i didn’t do that quite right. my attitude sucked. jesus forgive me and help be do it better next time.” i’m grateful that His forgiveness never runs dry and that His arm is never too short to reach me where i am. i’m confident that songs do rise from the ashes, that He can and will give me rest, that redemption will win, that the struggle ends, and that He can mend frail hearts. my life is a piece of cake compared to alot, and for that i’m grateful. a precious friend of mine texted me last night randomly and said, “linds, i’m praying for you.” i told her how tired i was and she said, “my pleasure to hold your arms up in the spirit.” it made me teary. then tonight i came home after 12.5 hrs at work, a crappy day to say the least and utterly exhausted to find a package by my door with bath and body works, chocolate and a note from another precious family i know. what a blessing to be surrounded by folks such as these during this year of craziness. and what a challenge for me to be that for someone else in their time of need.

so, i guess what i’m saying is that this is a good place to be. i hate my job, that’s never happened to me before. i hate that my husband isn’t with me, that HAS happened before (haha). but at the end of the day i rest in the peace of knowing that Jesus has my back and despite the fact that i understand very little about what’s going on around me right now…He’s got it all under control. what a relief. WHAT A RELIEF.

here’s the link to the song…it’s kind of awesome.